bringing down the house

So, I am done four out of the five classes I had this semester, and I am feeling relatively good about the last one but to be honest fifty percent of my mark relies on the three part final next monday and I am terrified, but I will get by! Then it will be summer, and I will finally have time for me.

I realised that I can read for fun for the next eight months so I can just have a good time this summer, and tan and take bubble baths, and drink margaritas and spend time with my friends for once. And be with the kids! I want to be with the kids, it makes my life so much happier. I am ready to just go home and get everything out of this house too, the cluttered everything-is-everywhere feeling of my bedroom is making me sick. I just want to throw everything away... I'm debating on doing it.

inward and tuck,
tom and huck,
travelling downward but also up,
shaking hands but smile and chuck,
or truck, more or less a fuck.



well, there is this thing sometimes that I feel like I just want to be away from other people, but for the most part I don't mind being around people. It's funny though, I am selective listener. I can miraculously block people out when they're talking and smile and laugh at appropriate places. I'm such a rude little bitch.

I want to go home and make my daddy hot crossed buns, and go swimming with my brother and sister in the beach, and eat mars fries and drink lemonade and go to the arcade and get duckies and play games and then walk home with milkshakes or a hot chocolate from two chicks, and make weenies and marshmallows and grilled cheeses and drink coolers and go for the walks and look at the stars and the moon and the shooting stars and listen to the wind.

I think I just need a very big change in my life. I need to start having a purpose and start figure things out. That's where the neighing came from. I think that I just need to look into my own head and open my window and have an empty everything. be empty. Why am I so not in the right head?

Why am I not dead?