As it seems, my taste in music contrasts with about everybody in my immediate world. Well, most people.
The weird thing about it is that I don't have a lot of the music I like on my ipod. I wish that...Actually, that would be a lovely birthday present, fixing my ipod and itunes. Keeping the music I have now and just adding everything that I actually like, instead of tidbits and other genres. I want more than a tidbit, I deserve more than a tidbit.
I feel like I should be saying timbit. If you're going to have a doughnut and you are older than seven years old, you should be having an entire doughnut, not a timbit.
My taste of music covers infinite surfaces, crevases, it collides and overlaps, but in the most current of cases, I just listen to whatever is on my ipod. I'm such a corporation, material-based listener. Does anyone know if my ipod can play the radio? Because that would be absolute magic, and ideal for me. I'd rather a variety than stick with one or two artists for the rest of my life.
I'm like this with everything else, too.
But music is so much of what I use to define me, that it seems more engrained in my sistem, the startup wizard of my life was set to the early nineties REM albums and David Bowie, of course. My parents' wedding song was Tonight by Elton John, another strong influence in my current life, I'm realising. If you haven't heard it, go off and take a moment. Tonight is worth it.
Incidentally, I don't share my music with just anyone. If anything, I'd rather just keep things to myself, again, like everything else true and beautiful in my life, I'm a little possessive. It is unbearable to me if anyone has the same favourites as me, my favourite Hendrix song can not possibly be loved by anyone other than me and Hendrix, and that is final.
I don't really like that about myself, I'm a jealous music freak about that, but I can't really help it. I like it when I listen to a song and know what it's about or even if I don't, it takes me somewhere that isn't where I am at that moment.
A trip.
I took that music course, and I realise right this moment my entire life I haven't been chasing the adventure itself, I've been chasing the trip. Through fantasy novels, seventies classic rock, character-based film and photography I have been craving something else, other. I am looking for the other, something, that is unattainable in nature and yet the going, just the journey in itself is the thrill ride. I don't necessarilly need the end result, the adventure, the hindsight, I need the wind blowing through my hair as I pass through on my way, I need fact and proof that what is happening matters and is different from a reality.
My reality revolves around sensitivity to stimuli that I give myself such as litaerature, movies, the music I love, the images I percieve and the thoughts that I allow myself to have. I'd rather live in a different, created reality than my own sometimes, because at the stage in my life that I am in it does not allow me to live the life I want.
I need to change my hopes for this reality into something that I do like. Like being happy. I am happy, and that is the ultimate goal for me, so really I have just got to coast. I'm coasting to the bar of my life. Coasting, however, is not something that I would classify as a journey, the going, therefore not fulfilling my goal in mind. The goal that is achieving complete satisfaction with life, and not craving a fantasy.
So onward I go into making my world a journey, that is life itself, but in order to create an adventure a journey is necessary, and when you're surrounded by incredible amounts of stress and expectations from this society that would rather you fail than fly by, it is up to me to create a balance of the fantasy journeys that I crave and the bullshit reality that is sort of forced upon us.
Why can't we all just live in Strawberry Fields Forever?
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