I took one evening in Costa Rica and brought a vogue out onto the balcony, looked out at the jungle beyond the railing, sat, and breathed for a few moments. Thinking about what was going on around me, it is hard to realise that we are small pinpoints revolving around, well, the earth's core. There is not one being that we revolve around, and I was five hours away from home, moments from the equator, in diminishing heat, and just involved in the moment. I love feeling that there is so much more out there, and that was one of those moments.

I am not the centre, nor even a part, of the core of the universe.

That does not scare me in the slightest, and for many reasons. I am the centre of my own being, and the centre of my life is, indulgingly, me. I devote time into recognising the facts, flaws, and beauty of my life, but also the life around me. there should be difference in realising these things, and there is poise in taking moments to view the world around you as huge.

It is not a small world, after all.

It is a large one. Covered in oceans and jungles and deserts and rainy cities, war-torn countries, many wonders and oppressions that makes one wonder why there is so much greed in the world? I am greedy. I wish that I had lots of money so that I could travel and spread happiness, I wish that I could pay off my family's debts and buy them a new house, a new car, a puppy. I wish I did not have to go to university.

there, I said it. That one little seemingly insignificant fact seems to be my core right now. University is drivbing me out of the world and into insignificance. I took a week long trip to Costa Rica with my family and realised that worrying about the grade weighted on my paper that is worth fifteen percent of my mark is nothing, absolutely bat shit nothing, in comparison to everything in the world. Why does anything like this even exist? People in Costa Rica go up to tweflth grade, and they don't need to go to university to have their main export be microchips. Yes, not sugar cane nandorfy, MICROCHIPS.

They're that intelligent at such a young age, or have the determination to continue their education. I need that drive, something to get me through. I passed an empty lot uptown today and thought, "man, I could open something up in there."

These eyes aren't stopping me.

There is something that I need, something strong, like a vase full of flowers with a note card that says "Don't forget that the world isn't all shit." Unfortunately, there aren't many hallmark cards with such a greeting. I guess I'll have to make my own, start giving them away as gifts, and hope for the best.

What was that again? Hope? Yeah, it's been a part of me for a long while now. Spres auod vires. Hope and strength. I have confidence in sunshine, in rain, in the day break and the moon falling, the breath that comes around on a soft winter's afternoon on a side street, waiting. I have confidence in the fact that there is so much more out there then right here. There is more than right infront of me, regardless if I can see it or not.

There is less fog beyond this darkness, that is just so bright.