Initial

The square brackets are left untouched and I still can feel my mind counting how many days I should have left, but alas there is none left for me to write or rant or admire, just this. I guess it should just be ramblings,

or,

it could be something more. I will have to think about it some more, a lot more, but I've figured this out enough. I am going to play around, get some dynamic in, and maybe something to eat. I should think of a theme, but all I can think of is to ramble on about the places and things I'd like to see.

How about I pick something more exciting?

Like my descent into humanism, meditation, invigoration, and my exploration of what I want to do and be for the rest of my life. I am on a journey, an adventure, and my life is on the cusp of finding a true self. I turn twenty in almost twenty days, and the irony of my accepting my age and my indulgance in everything younger than I am contributes to finding my true being. I want to recognise me in the mirror again, and for the next little while I am going to try to see through the fogginess and the lights.

But I think I will wait a bit until I show it to anyone. That's something odd about me, I like to tell everyone lots of things about my life, my adventures, and yet I keep a whole lit dispersed over many friends. The handful that know everything usually never go away, and the shopping bag friends all know a little of everything. I think that within this text I want to look fully at myself, and look over those things that are occaisionally and whole-heartedly at those times overlooked. I want to see.

I will trudge onwards, the best part about this text is that there is no obligation other than my devotion to becoming a self and writing, and my passion for bettering happiness and the general happiness of others around me. I want to write here, ramble on, and not have to bracket myself in with numbers or box off myself for being overcast or blunt or fidgety in my wording. I am experimental in nature as well as my writing, and therefore my new beginnings will follow suit.

I do not intend to get any feedback, love, devotion, following, or anything remotely resembliung any of these things. Just peace of mind and a becoming.

To become, not to just be.

It is always a journey,

JW