it's all happening

I hate money and that everything costs so much money. I feel so helpless thinking about it, but I'm really going to try and save money and work on budgetting and things. I wish I had more money, but I don't. Ah well, what can ya do?

It's friday. Finally. My back is so sore, I think I pushed too hard in yoga on wednesday, but it was so amazing I needed to. New bucketlist additions:

see sunrises
india-yoga
publish poetry
read 100 years of solitude, 1984 and great expectations
learn how to maintain a garden
and make coffee, good coffee
learn to like beer (MUST BE DONE BEFORE AUGUST)


These are more like goals, but definitely worthy of the bucketlist. I need to do these things, I just have a craving, a striving inside of me.

I don't want to go and get groceries, but I need to get more food. What a terrible situation, when I grow up I'm living a ten minute walk from everything, somehow.

I want to buy a book of photographs. Like nice, black and white prints or something nice or something, that isn't vogue that isn't a national geographic. A hardcover book. Like a coffee table book. I think I need lower expectations of my attention span when I begin these.

I am so hungry. I should make some soup or something, I wish I had instant rice. I love instant rice, it is so good. I think I should make some chicken or AN EGG.

Brain wave, I'm going to make an egg, be back when I'm done.

I ended up not making an egg, I have to finish this book. I really love good love movies. Have you ever seen ps I love you? Or love and other drugs? st.elmo's fire? Love isn't just romantic, but I think that friends are worthy of love as well. I have a couple best friends who are my soulmates and I know it. Stand by me is a good movie about friend-love. Man, I love love. I also love food.

I'm like a choo-choo-train of thoughts today apparently.

Sometimes I wish I looked more grown up, but then I remember that on the inside I am grown up and I have grown up cares and responsibilites. I love being a grown up but at the same time nobody's grown up, I'm still seven sometimes. I can't wait to go back to work and tell the kids all about this year and next year and just be with them. Seriously, changed my life.

I really should make an egg.

I wish that lights shone brighter so I could see them, and everyone could see them.
or, well, I wish they just were bigger, or brighter,
or taller or tighter, or something like that,
can we go home yet? can we go, home, yet?
take a breath like this, like that,
can we go, home, yet?
And so it is a calming technique,
or a happiness technique,
the little prose that could,
and so I think to myself everyday man can't you see it?
the sun it's so big?
the stars are so smal and you can see those, white on the black,
the dots, like letters on my screen, pop out, I know they're there,
but I don't, it's like any other light,
I know it's there, like your face, I do,
but I can't see who