padington bear

There are only a couple of posters on my wallls right now because there really isn't a lot of room for anything else at the moment. The three that are up are: my john lennon painting -my signed picture of walter gretzky, and, the back ended picture of the dress that I want, in white, and to say some very special short vows in. I just set up my room for the evening, pulled down my sheets and piled up my five pillows, set the two vogues I need to read and the europe travel guide on the sill. Once it gets dark enough I'll open my window and turn on my lamp, and just stick to myself. I have achieved a comfortable place in my room, finally, after a month of being at home, I am finally comfortable in this space. I am back being uncomfortable, however, about my money situation. Fuck, I can't even go ten minutes without wondering what it would be like to not have to worry about this kind of stuff. It makes me a different person then if I didn't have to worry, but it is stressful. Money is so obsolete in my happiness, unless it brings me good food, travel, and memories. I guess it does sometimes, I wish that I could just not worry. Worrying nis something that is hard for me to get around, I worry about everything. I want to say right now in this post'O pledge to no longer worry about england and be excited,' but the truth is I won't be able to start even getting excited until I've paid for residence, and figured out the money..Started work, start packing and buying the things that are needed, start thinking about actually leaving. I don't have problems with saving money, I just like to go and spend time with people who like to go out and do things. I knew it'd be hard, but it just keeps getting harder. I have a good time, but there was this beautiful dress in the bay ytesterday that I absolutely loved, but couldn't buy..and there was this beautiful shade of red sephora lipstick, but no. Not today, world, not today jessie, not today. I've been thinking about writing after I finish this book. When I was at work two weeks ago I started writing this story in a notebook, and I'm thinking about starting to write it, and actually start feeling good about writing it, it is such an exciting idea. I am so happy with it, I don't want to write anything for YA, no erotica, no mysteries, just some straightforward novelistic prose for me, finally a story. I wrote a poem the other day too, I can't do any more poetry at the moment, but I will keep on trying. I hate balance, I hate attempting to balance, I hate hate hate it that I have to hate balance. I can't be rich and beautiful and environmentally friendly and donate to charities and watch every tv show and be in with modern literature and go out dirnking and be happy with my life. I can't deal with balance, but there are days where the balancing turns off completely, and I'd like to just sit in bed and read someone else's life for a while. I'm also so excited for the Olympics to start. TEAM CANADA clothes shopping day should come up soon, I decided I want a sweater or tshirt for london, I want to just get the money to buy all these things, and then just go. just go. don't be discouraged, this is going to be amazing. It's already amazing, less than three months.