writing in the dark

it could be unusual, but I'm at work so really it doesn't surpirise me, At first I thought that the power had gone out, and I was sort of excited, but then I realised no one had turned on the lights, which is so much less exciting. I used to always wish that there would be a fire alarm or an intruder alert or something really cool for real happen at my highschool so that I could experience it. I never experienced any bomb threats, or any alerts that were of merit. I think we stood outside for an hour in the snow because of a false fire drill, but other than that nothing lasted over half an hour. I crave excitement, which is why I just sit around writing blogs at work, obviously. Toda's the kind of day that I just wanna go home and have a couple beers on the back deck, but I assume it's going to rain before that can become a possibility, so I'll end up doing yoga and watching Horrible Bosses or something instead. I lead an exciting life. I dread working out, I really do. I think it's so stupid, like actually the stupidest thing to have to do ever. That's probably why I like yoga so much, because it feels like I'm actually doing something good for myself, not just making me exhausted and sweaty and hate the gym...+ Something's been wrong lately. I don't feel like donig anything again, and I'm not sure what this feeling is coming from. I guess it could be due to this job, being not what I wanted, or stress from working out, I haven't been sleeping so that doesn't help. I just hate everything right now, I am positive it will get better, but as for now I continue searching for the culprit and to exterminate it as soon as possible. I feel like I'm being plagued by something, like something is missing again. I can't believe I'm back here, I worked so hard to get out this past semester and now it's just totally back to being bullshit. Back to being headaches and unmotivated. I feel like it has something to do with the lack of control I have right now over anything. I don't work on my own independent from my parents, I don't eat independently, it's actually driving me insane. I can't stand it, it's a constatnt surveilance that just bugs me. I NEED SOMETHING TO SPARKLE, SOMETIME, PLEASE, LIKE ANYTHING WOULD BE GREAT. I need a lemonade and a vogue and some actual good music on my headphones for once, I miss my ipodl, I miss loud music, I miss wearing a big tshirt and panties and just relaxing. I miss sitting outside in the rain. I want to sit outside in the rain right now, right NOW. I need to get out, out of my head, I need to just get out of my head for a bit. I want to be in someone else's, I need a movie I haven't seen before so I can get out of my head.