roses

My dad brought me my tea today at work in this dark mug with Beast holding a red rose on it, and he told me to look at the mug, and I remember when I first saw it. I was four, and my parents had taken just me not my sister to Toronto to see The Beauty and the Beast at the Princess of Whales theatre. I hadn't really gone to Toronto, so this was a huge thing for me. We got this mug, and literally I can't remember a time without it, it has really beena s ymbol of comfort for me. I really would like to get back into reading, bt I can't see myself doing it until tomorrow. There's a couple books that I have lined up rom last summer that I never got to that I'dlike to get to now, but I need to organise my computer and in order to do that I need to get motivated to do taht, so...That should happen sometime soon. I need motivation. I need to start thinking about just today, not worrying about next week. That's something that plagues me, andbothers me... When I was ilttle my Aunt was in university and she had these slippers, they were slip ons and huge and squishy, and I've always wanted one pair, just to have, I don't really wear slippers often though, so I guess I wouldnt use them until I had a house of my own.. Maybe I should bring my computer to work to work on it, I could read hunger games and organise it, I'll think about that for tomorrow, since I will be done phone calls by then and actually be out of thigns to do... Super dee duper. I wish the other job would pull through. Last night, North Carolina voted against gay marriage in their state, and it infuriated twitter, until I got on this morning to see a Canadian being a bitch about other Canadians being angry at North Carolina because Canada didn't have equal rights until less than ten years ago. Which I find stupid to be penialising people for, since I wasn't able to vote until two years ago, and this generation is the generation of equality change for all, or atleastto better it, and anyone is allowed to express their opinions or views on twitter, so if I'm upset that descrimination is happening because of religion I shouldn't be penialised just because the country I live in and the adults that run it decided to make things equal less than ten years ago. Similarily, I'm sure there are a great number of people who voted for equal rights for marriage in North Carolina, there fore it wasn't the entire state that is at fault, it's just the majority. Maybe more people should vote, so things like equal rights become common, and we can start focusing on other big issues as well, that can make just asmmuch of a change. I really want to download 9.11 press for truth, but none of the links will work, I don't know why I'm obnsessed with this. What else can I rant about? I don't think there is much today, other than the fact that I hate our government, and wish that things went faster and people were accepted and less bullshitting happened anywhere, but none of that can come true unfortunately, so I'm going to try to change the little piece of the world that surrounds me, and hope for the better. Also, I need a new poem, an actual, good, poem........please? two eyes peaking rom under a constructed curtain chopped halfway up, machete clean sweep, fingers crawling underneath, feeling the smooth cuts and chops, or pounds aganst the fabric, broken so quickly, wide eyes, lives disappear as quickly as they were brought, 101 deaths for every 193 lves, statistics ring in, across the floor two bodies lay, or three, eyes wide, sweeping through the scene, but no blood, just sleeping, two gauzy eyes sleepily wander, wonder sleepishly sheepishly if this was the right day to come outside, or if the machete was glued to the wall for a reason, i broke it down, He broke it down too, and they were still sleeping, nope, I really need something to come to me, fuck, I'm so tire d of stupid poems and stories, and being uncomfortable and unmotivated and getting bad sleeps, maybe next week will be better, something needs to change, maybe I will actually make the change this time, throw out the boxes of theatre transcripts and booklets, old papers and timelines, planners and notes, collages and life lessons, my toys, I can't throw those out, but anything I used to make to play with should just go.... I do't think I could do it, actually. I don't want to stop writing because then I'll have to figure somethig else to do... Maybe I'll start a new blog? No, I'll just keep writing. I actually am starting a new blog though, for my trip I think, I may start writing in it once I start actually buying and planning thigns, which I guess has started, I may just make that this blog, it already has the name for adventure. ouu what ifI wrote two posts today, one for an entry in my travel diary and one just like this, actually this one? I love this blog, because it's like a diary but nobody really reads it, so it's even more like a diary. perfect, it's almost like I'm back to whispering happy into someoe's, no one's, ear.